There is a town in Connecticut for sale for a mere $800k. It includes eight lots of land that have eight buildings that include Victorian era homes and buildings.
It is my dream to live in a Victorian styled home. The symmetry alone makes it worth while to me. If I were to design my own home, without my husband’s input, it would end up being a Victorian plantation styled home with white paint and black shutters. And of course, it would need a wrap around porch. My husband, however, would want something thermally sound and built to last through a freaking bombing run. In short, ugly.
I think I should start up one of those internet start up things to buy this town. You know, kind of like that guy who raised a fuck ton of money to make a potato salad (which, for the record, I thought was a terrible recipe). Who’s with me?! A few dollars on your part would help to preserve the historic town (and provide a town that I could call my own. No more neighbors! It would greatly help me with my social awkwardness). I would totally call it Chomptopia, or Chompville, or something of the like. I mean, Chomp could be the village mascot!
Who WOULDN’T want this adorable baby to represent a town named after her? Please help us make this dream happen. And soon. You may send all of your donations to my efforts to buy this town in Connecticut through Paypal. And for every $100 donation, I will name a piece of the town after you! Yes, YOU too can be a part of this town! Like the town well, could be named [insert your name here] Well!
I just realized something…. what the fuck is in Connecticut? I mean, is it a total zone of no good coffee? I could not live in a place with no good coffee. I went to South Korea for two weeks and almost died from the lack of actual coffee. Seriously, what counts as coffee there is just a crime. Instant coffee packs with creamer and sugar in it. Or, you can purchase a can of coffee (of the like to those in the instant packs) at the supermarket in refrigerators that are warm instead of cold. Seriously, the grosses coffee I have ever attempted to drink (this coming from a woman who has lived most of her life near Seattle. And for the record, Starbucks now blows ass. If you want a good cup of coffee in Seattle, Café Vita. It is located on 3rd and Yesler downtown and also has a place in Capitol Hill and other neighborhoods of Seattle.).
After doing some research on this state of Connecticut, I have found a few things that may make it not as worthwhile for me to finally establish Chomptopia. Number one, it is a little too close to New Jersey for comfort… for New Jersey will be the epicenter of any sort of apocalypse that will occur. I mean, the Jersey Shore? Snookie? Yeah… the end will begin there. Number two, will I have access to the Korean ingredients that I NEED to make many of my staple foods? I subsist on Korean food for the most part… though I am only half, I cannot live without Korean food. I enjoy making it (and not only penis shaped Joo sok [Korean Thanksgiving] rice cakes… proof of such sculpting in rice flour can be seen below), but I enjoy eating Korean food even more.
Number three…. eh, screw it. I will have the internet to order the ingredients that I need and the best coffee and the best coffee machines.
It’s settled. I need to buy this town guys! Please help me make this dream come true! Send me your money. Now. Please?