My Hamster’s Emerging Possible Health Issues

I apologize for my brief hiatus from the blogging world. The writing muse has not hit me in the face in the past few days.

I figured I would rant about the awesomeness that is the whole Toyota recall bullshit. I have received THREE recall notices in the past few months for my roaring hamster, my Yaris. It literally looks like a computer mouse. I think I may have bought it solely for that reason. It was reasonably priced (I bought it in 2008 new), small, and got great gas mileage. It still gets pretty awesome gas mileage. It was the better option a few years ago when the gas prices were more insane than ever. It took $50 to fill up the tiny hamster’s tank. And with the amount of commuting I was doing was rather nuts (about 100 miles a day…. just for the work week.).

Anyhow, the first notice I received was that a bolt would possibly be loose in the front of the engine somewhere that would end up rattling, but not be at all unsafe. Meh, okay. I can deal with that. The next one, had to do with the airbag not working right because of possible wear and tear from the wheel itself…….. um…. okay…. I suppose that’s not TOO horrible. After all, my first car did not have any airbags. It was a 1990 Corolla. I can see how that can happen with putting it in such a small steering wheel. THEN, I get one for the front seat assemblies. For both the driver and passenger seats. It is possible that they can just give out and fall back. Awesome.

I am thankful that the service to get it all fixed is free… but I will be stuck at the dealership for two and a half hours if I do not have a ride out of there.

I then received another notice regarding the recalls. This one had to do with a class action lawsuit against Toyota for this whole mess. Apparently, Toyota was ordered to pay out. I got a whopping $30 for my hamster’s possible health problems.

My hamster Yaris has performed admirably. It does what I need, with little gas usage, and is easily parked (especially in a crowded city). I must thank my hamster for gaining me extra funds to support my vices. Booze and cigars. Sadly, neither of those can my hamster enjoy or take part in. If I were more of a gear head, I would put the funds towards, I don’t know, a supercharged something or other or some sort of fluids that it may need. I am sad to say that I am quite car maintenance challenged. I can change the oil and the tires. Nothing more than that except for handing tools to my husband while I drink a beer and supervise.

Though the hamster has done everything I have needed in the past few years, I think it is time to move on to another vehicle. One that doesn’t have ever emerging issues. And one that my husband can actually stand driving for more than an hour or two without hurting (It is made for short people such as myself. Reaching for the steering wheel is difficult for how long my husband’s legs are. I admit, the design is flawed.). I would love to have a Sherman Tank. If anyone is selling one that runs, please let me know. I think that is my dream vehicle. It is durable, small (for a tank), and can tackle most terrain.

I mean seriously, it would be the best zombie apocalypse vehicle! You have the turret top to shoot large groups of zombies in one fell swoop. Zombies can’t get in. It can easily mow over zombies and debris. The only thing I can see that would be a bit of a problem is the noise. An RV may be a better option IF you can armor it, put a pop up turret on the top (with either a heavy machine gun or a RPG mounted up on it), a scooped front grill that pushes zombies out of the way if not beheading them…. Never mind guys, I want a big ass armored RV. I mean, you could sleep in it, cook in it, shit in the toilet, shower, etc. pretty much anything that would need to be done that would be at all vulnerable. Remember, if you must use a restroom, sweep the area first and post a guard if possible. If not, then at least keep your weapon close at hand and ready to use. If we have learned nothing else from Zombieland, it is to beware of bathrooms. Also, cardio. Fatties die first?

I would name my RV Krod Mandoon. I would equip it with a flaming sword that could come out to poke the zombies to death before burning their corpses.

How good was Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire, by the way? I was so upset that they pulled it off the air. It was so awesome. I loved how it made fun of many of my favorite fantasy novels. I found that it did a better job at getting the whole Sword of Truth series of books better than the mockery that was made (Legend of the Seeker).  If you have not read the series, you should check it out (


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