Today, I decided to give Tweak, my Scottish terrier, a haircut. He was looking less scottie and more wookie. My husband just bought me a new set of clippers because I kind of killed the last set… and the set before that…. Tweak has a lot of hair. It is not my fault that the clippers can’t keep up. And trust me, cutting his hair with scissors takes about a million times as long. Besides, Tweak is a dick when it comes to cutting his hair. More than once, he has just said Fuck you, mommy and takes a shit. Once it was almost on my fucking leg. My dogs express their dismay with shit. They in no way get that from me….. ok… they might. But I express HUMOR with shit. Not like literal shit. I once bought my dad a present that I “made myself”… a fake shit. And he kept that terrible present. It was in his desk still when I went to get it from my mother’s house. He even kept this god awful clay bust I had made of him when I was 12. It is a creepy fucking thing. He kept it on the mantle in his office. I decided not to keep that though. Goodness… listen to me…. I am getting all sentimental when that was not the point of this post.
The point of this post is that I should not be trusted… especially with clippers. This was a new set of clippers…. so, I guessed on which attachment would be most appropriate. Well…. my first guess was wrong….
So… he has a large stripe that is almost bald…. If I had any talent with the clippers, I would have made a design out of the mistake that I made. But I’m not that cool. To compensate for the near bald spot, I trimmed the rest of the back and head with the next size up. It makes the near bald stripe less noticeable, right?
My husband says Tweak won’t notice. But I think he does.
Now… he could just be super cold… but he sure seems to want to be covered up.
In addition to my clipper mishap…. I decided to grind down everyone’s nails with the dremmel. Butters’ nails went fine. Chomp kicked me in the face then scratched the crap out of my foot. Tweak….. I caught his vast amounts of hair in the dremmel…. twice. I think I understand why Tweak is more my husband’s dog than mine….. I seem to torture that poor dog… even when I just want to care for him and make him look pretty…. I just torture him.
I don’t have these problems with the cat or the other dogs. Yes, I clip my cat’s claws… and yes, I bathe my cat. He is totally cool with it too… well… not totally. But enough so that he doesn’t claw my face off. Or at all for that matter.
I would not be surprised if Tweak were plotting on how to get rid of me. And the other pets for that matter. I should probably watch my back. If you don’t hear from me for a while…. it was Tweak.