Hawaii: The Place Where Cocks Roam Free

Sorry about my hiatus from the blog of epic-ness… Or at least I hope that you all find it epic enough to continue to read. I have been in Hawaii. No, it was not purely for pleasure. You all should know that I don’t really like to GO anywhere for vacation type things. I find it stressful. And I hate crowds. And flights are awful. For FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT a little shit of a child, seated in the row behind, fucking screamed at the top of its fucking lungs. FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT. My headphones didn’t get loud enough to block it out. No. I was in Hawaii for my sister’s wedding. Boy… what a wedding.
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Hey, look! A rooster! We saw many a feral rooster along the side of the highway… in parking lots… at the beach. It is truly a place where cocks roam free. We even had to stop so that a chicken could cross the road with her chicks. I shit you not. But more on that later.

So, this wedding… it was set for Friday, May 22nd on a beach about an hour from where my husband and I were staying. We got to the location… being the parking lot for the park and found my mother and the other guests. My mother was wearing a casual beach dress and flip flops… I got out of the car wearing the formal dress I got from China and a pair of wedge heels. I felt so over dressed. My husband said Fuck it. I am wearing cargo pants and a button up shirt. The guests were mingling along with the groom in the parking lot not knowing where on the beach we were to converge. All the while, it was sprinkling a little bit. Nothing major. Just a few drops here and there.

I took it upon myself to meander down the beach to find where the ceremony was to take place and found the wedding planner. She recognized me as part of the wedding guest party because I was wearing purple (one of the colors for my sister’s wedding). As we got everyone else headed down to the site, my sister arrived to put on her dress in the bathroom. She called and asked for my help, and I went running… in wedge heels… in the sand. All the while, the rain continued. Getting a little more vigorous, but not bad.

As I got into the bathroom to help out…. it began to POUR. Not like most Washington rains…. but a torrential downpour. The wedding planner insisted that it would stop soon. It didn’t. The rest of the wedding goers including the groom were DRENCHED. So…. after a lot of back and forth… we decided to do the wedding the following day.
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Another cock! This one is hidden behind some shrubbery. And he’s not alone.
By the way…. how good is flatbread pizza. I made naan bread… then I made it into a pizza. With bacon. I am eating it as I blogify.

Following the cancelled wedding… I decided that the bride needed a drink. Or several. The bride, groom, matron of honor and her husband piled into a car and my husband and I followed. We looked up a bar nearby called the Maskquerade. We each put it into our nav apps… and it led us to… a fucking house. Totally residential area. We looked it up and found that the address was also listed as this house on their website, but it was clearly not the bar. By this time, the rain had ceased. We decided to go to the reception at a luau nearby instead of looking for the bar. The traffic was ridiculous. It took over a half hour to go 6 fucking miles. Six.

We got to the luau early and checked in. Seven people cancelled on the reception. Mind you, it was prepaid. So… after being told that we could not get a refund from the place since it was bought through a third party…. I attempted to scalp the tickets. I have a trustworthy face. I explained about my sister’s wedding…. no takers. Everyone had already bought their tickets.

To make things better, as I was trying to scalp them, it started to rain again. And it poured throughout the entire luau. But we drank. Sat in the rain. And had an awesome time. But a bitch of a hangover for me the next day…..

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Why did the cock cross the road? To get to the other side. Yeah… I know… that was weak. Stone’s Ruination IPA will do that to me.

In the end, she had a beautiful wedding on the beach at sunset the next day at the wedding planner’s home.

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You probably can’t read the caption… but it says Cocks everywhere!!! And yes, that is me running after the cock. What can I say? I chase cocks.

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