Pizza: The Final Frontier

This past week has been a week of pizza for me. No, I did not eat pizza everyday for a week. I can’t eat the same thing two days in a row let alone all week long…. I would die in the apocalypse… not due to hunger… but due to pickiness. Anyhow, I got pizza twice in the past four days. Yes…. one of those days was a whole pizza…. just for me…. while my husband was away in Ireland. To be fair, there were leftovers for him when he returned. Today was the second day of pizza for me. It has been too fucking hot for me to want to turn on the stove or, god forbid, the oven. Yes, we have the window A/C units going… but that is just not enough. I am not meant for this kind of blistering heat (80 degrees and above…. it got to like 86 degrees today… ew). But, anyhow, the plethora of pizza in my life the past few days has got me thinking about pizza delivery. You’d think that we would have better methods of keeping the pizzas hot and crisp when it is delivered by now, right? But no… we have been using the same methods of pizza heat maintenance for years.

Number 9 in this article at least has a heat indicator sticker that would warrant a free pizza if it were not hot enough. That is a step in the right direction. But I move to require pizza delivery to be like that of Snow Crash by Neil Stephenson. It would make the whole high school job of delivering pizzas more badass. Boxes that have a counter on them based on the time the order was called in. Drivers that fear delivering a pizza even a millisecond past the allotted time. A visit from the pizza (mob) king himself when a pizza is delivered past the time. Hell, even the novelty of seeing if the pizza was on time or not. No more arguments over whose clock was faster. There would be no questions about getting a free pizza. Granted…. driving would be far more hazardous if we were to live in a Snow Crash world of pizza delivery. But I am willing to take that risk.


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