Category Archives: Ranting

Displaced Blame and Focus….

My father is always in the back of my mind. I feel that he is always here with me…. watching over me. I think it is the reason that I push myself so much in school. I just want him to be proud of me. He is always a part of my day. Of my life.

Today, nothing really profound happened to me. But it got me really thinking about my dad…. and what happened to him. Everything in the media lately demonizes cops. Demonizes people of a certain race or religious background. Not individuals. The media demonizes guns. Not the INDIVIDUALS who use guns to harm innocent people. I suppose it hasn’t only been in the media lately…. but it seems more prevalent now than in the past. Maybe it is because I am older now and am more exposed to mass media. I don’t know.

My father was murdered. I do harbor a lot of anger, even to this day. But not toward a group of people, a “race” of people. And not toward guns. My anger is directed at the man who took my father from me. Toward the individual who chose to get high on crack. Toward the individual who chose to murder my father. He made the decision to pull the trigger…. not once… not twice… but six times. I do not blame guns. I do not blame crack cocaine. I blame a man who chose to get high. I blame the man who used the gun to kill my father. I don’t blame the people of his “race” (there is only one race… the HUMAN RACE… race as we seem to classify it is a social construct… Not a biological construct. Look at the racial distinctions in the U.S. versus those in Brazil). I do not blame the individual’s faith (Christianity) which was brought into the defense’s case to show his character. His faith did not kill my father. To me, we as a society are not putting enough emphasis on the individual and the actions he or she chose. We should put more emphasis on the individual. Hold the individual responsible. Not sensationalize the individual’s race or weapon he or she chose to use. Blaming the instrument the individual chose to use redirects the blame away from individuals. Should we then call for a ban on all vehicles because people are killed by individuals who hit them with their cars? Should we then call for a ban on knives? Lighters? Alcohol? We have already criminalized crack cocaine, meth, heroin, etc., but does that prevent people from obtaining and using it? Those who are going to commit a crime are going to do so in spite of laws. That is what makes them criminals. We cannot displace blame on inanimate objects. Nor faiths. Nor should we focus on the social construct of race. We need to hold individuals accountable as individuals and leave it at that. Is racial bias a problem? Yes. But do we need to focus on it and sensationalize it in our media? No. Is religious bias a problem? Yes. But do we need to focus on it? No. We need to focus on the individual.

I have chosen to focus on the individual who destroyed my life. The individual who ripped my father away from me before my life even really began. Before my sister’s life even began. I blame the individual who took so much from me and my family. The individual who lives while my father does not.

Yes, I harbor a lot of anger. But toward the individual. Nothing else. No one else.


Love and Adulthood

Love is staying up until three in the morning playing the remastered Gears of War with the one you love. Adulthood is ONLY staying up until three in the morning playing the remastered Gears of War. I am so nailing this adulting thing.

Back to School

Today began my first official day back in the world of school. As I drove to the PIMA medical campus today, many thoughts raced through my mind. Was I going to be able to succeed? Am I ready to go back to school? Do I even remember basic math? Am I wearing appropriate shoes? Is covering my tattoo with a sweat band ok? Mostly, I was afraid I was going to be late.

I arrived a half hour before classes started (despite Chomp’s attempts to keep me at home longer…. she chased Mister, the cat, into the woods behind the house when I let them all out to potty… and of course…. I stepped in shit…. ), and I was able to find a parking space. So, about 25% of my fear was alleviated. I then walked into the main office and was flustered about where the fuck my classes would be. I swear to bob, they made the campus a fucking maze. I still don’t even know where the bathrooms are after four hours of classes today. It was a good thing I only had coffee and a protein shake in my stomach (and I relieved myself before leaving the house).

Anyhow, I walked into my classroom and found it empty except for two other students. I quickly sat down in the middle of the room and away from people. I fully expected that I would get to have a space all to myself. I had resting bitch face on while I waited for the class to begin. But no…. the annoying bitch from orientation who is so fucking perky I could die sat in front of me and some dude sat next to me.

The first day was mostly a Hi, how are you? Here is the syllabus sort of day. Four fucking hours of the syllabus and introductions and shit. It could have been an hour… two tops. But no, the professor had to go on and on…. and on. About Oh, on some days, you can wear jeans. And we have campuses all over. And he loves the seahawks, also, Friday is seahawks day (or something) and we can wear seahawks gear to class. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Then he literally went over every single fucking day on the syllabus. Is it just me? Or are students not expected to read anymore?

During breaks, the students initiated conversations with one another. I did not. I donned my resting bitch face again. But to no avail. The dude next to me introduces himself. Fuck. So, I was polite and introduced myself and carried on a polite but meaningless conversation. And to my utter fucking dismay, the fucking annoying bitch in front of me turns around and starts talking to me to. Even the sound of her voice annoys me. It is so damned chipper. I think I let my resting bitch face slip in the past few months. I haven’t had to use it as often. I think I need to bring my A game tomorrow and really exude the don’t fucking talk to me attitude of the resting bitch face.

Anyhow, when I got home, my husband and I quickly put together a dinner. While it was cooking, I decided to do the homework that isn’t due til Thursday. We hadn’t even opened our books today. But I was hoping that we would in class. I brought my cute planner, my monster pencil case (no, really, it is a little monster that holds your pens and shit. The zipper is his mouth. It is really cute.), my notebook, my laptop… everything. But no. We went over the fucking syllabus… for four hours.

Wow… this turned into a much longer rant than I intended. Anyway, here is a selfie for my first day of classes.


Yes, it is in my bathroom. I am no good at this whole selfie thing. And yes, that is a sign on the mirror… it says Let’s Wash Our Hands in Japanese and in English. I found it odd and had to get it.

Pet Peeves….

I find it incredibly annoying when people state the obvious. It’s raining. Really? Is it raining? Is that water falling from the sky onto me? It especially makes me irritated when the obvious is stated in movies.

I am watching The Guardians of the Galaxy as I create some awesome artwork for you all to buy on zazzle. And the green chick says, “You’ve turned off the artificial gravity everywhere except in this room,” after we see the guards floating about in the prison. Really? You needed to state that out loud? It’s like Sigorney Weaver’s role in Galaxy Quest. She just repeats what the ship’s computer has stated. Or like that horrendous Troi from Next Gen. I feel pain. Do you really? Do you feel that creature’s pain? There is a fucking hole the size of a grapefruit in it’s belly…. but do you think it’s in pain?

Troi was seriously the worst thing about Next Generation. I loved Data. Remember…. he was fully functional.

I think the term “Pet Peeve” is a weird term. It makes me want to have a pet that is a peeve. Like a little space alien. Like a tribble. Or SPACE HERPES!!! I am sure not many of you have seen Ice Pirates, but you should. They had space herpes. It was awesome.

It just seems like I only watch space shows and movies based on this posting. I assure you, my geek-tastic-ness extends to other awesome nerd stuff as well. Namely, Buffy. But we will get to that later. Maybe. If I feel like it. For now, I must leave you all as I need to continue to work on the epic art that you will soon be able to purchase. Yes, purchase. I need money for stogies.

Hippo Cart FTW!

I came across the following photo whilst perusing the internets late into the night… again (I think I am more of a night owl than a morning person. I am great in bed. I can sleep for hours. No, really. On more than one occasion, I have slept for more than twelve hours. Once, I got up to sixteen. And I wasn’t even sick. You’d think that it would be impossible with the amount of caffeine that I intake – many, many an Americano a day – but I just like to sleep. That is, when I can actually sleep. For a while there, I couldn’t sleep through the night without waking up a million times. Literally. Not figuratively. Literally.). Though, I do postpone the publishing for a more reasonable hour now. How I love that feature.


Anyhow, this man has a freaking hippo pulling him along on a cart. Where did he GET a hippo?! Where would he keep this hippo? I can’t imagine that it would be a great house pet. Though, I did see an animal planet show about strange pets. And a south African family was featured with their pet hippo. I could not find the animal planet episode (though, I admit, I did not look that hard), but here is some video footage of the pet hippo: The episode also featured a buffalo pet and some others that I cannot recall at this late hour.

After seeing this photo and remembering the feature about the pet hippo, I have come to the conclusion that I need a pet hippo. It would be far more suited to pull me along in a cart than my Chomp. Though she is large for a boxer, 80 pounds, I highly doubt that she could pull me in a cart very effectively. Keeping in mind, she IS rather strong. Once, when we ran along ahead of my husband on a walk and then turned to go back, she saw Brian and got overly excited and literally bolted toward him pulling me along behind her. I almost fell flat on my face. If I had, I am almost certain that she would have dragged me along my face behind her with no troubles.

Screw it, I don’t need a hippo. I think I have convinced myself to not actually add to my zoo. I must need to sleep. After all, I ALWAYS want a new addition. Whether it be a new tarantula or a monkey (I am still trying to convince my husband to let me have a monkey… I think I am wearing him down…. only after almost nine years together…. I vote you all leave comments for him to view on the merits of having a monkey and how freaking awesome they are. I figure if it comes from other people, he may actually give in one day.), I always coo at new little animals that I could possibly take home and hug and squeeze and call George (Odd side note, I had to go back and read the first part of the sentence before the interjection about monkeys. My brain wanders too much for some. I, frankly, am surprised that anyone can decipher the shit I write.).Though I have never yet named a pet George. That’s it, I am naming the next addition George (please tell me you get the reference about hugging and squeezing  and calling him George…. old looney tunes bit… BTW, why don’t they play the looney tunes on Saturday morning cartoons anymore? Now, there is no reason to get up on a Saturday mornings….. Sunday mornings, yes… Sunday is pancakes day. And I am ranting again….).


I found this picture of a boxer pulling a scottie while looking into carts for Chomp to use to pull me about the town. I could totally see Tweak, my scottie, hamming it up in the seat while she pulls him along. He is, after all, my princess. I fully realize that he is a male, but he ALWAYS needs to sit upon a pillow. Always. Even if my head is upon it, he will curl up and edge me off of my pillow as I sleep. He does this often. I am sure if we put pillows in the cart, he would immediately climb aboard. The cart would no longer be for me. It would be Tweak’s cart… effectively making it pointless for me to get one for myself. Damn it, Tweak, you ruin everything for me. Seriously, he is so very much Brian’s dog.God forbid if I want to cuddle with my husband. Tweak always edges himself in between us and gets on top of Brian’s chest. I am convinced he hates me. he is the mastermind behind Mister’s, the cat, attempts on my life almost every night. I get a claw on the jugular all of the time…. This brings a thought to mind. Does anyone else’s animals try to kill them as often as mine? Note that I said as often as mine, not whether or not they try. They ALL try it. Search your heart, you know this to be true!

My Hamster’s Emerging Possible Health Issues

I apologize for my brief hiatus from the blogging world. The writing muse has not hit me in the face in the past few days.

I figured I would rant about the awesomeness that is the whole Toyota recall bullshit. I have received THREE recall notices in the past few months for my roaring hamster, my Yaris. It literally looks like a computer mouse. I think I may have bought it solely for that reason. It was reasonably priced (I bought it in 2008 new), small, and got great gas mileage. It still gets pretty awesome gas mileage. It was the better option a few years ago when the gas prices were more insane than ever. It took $50 to fill up the tiny hamster’s tank. And with the amount of commuting I was doing was rather nuts (about 100 miles a day…. just for the work week.).

Anyhow, the first notice I received was that a bolt would possibly be loose in the front of the engine somewhere that would end up rattling, but not be at all unsafe. Meh, okay. I can deal with that. The next one, had to do with the airbag not working right because of possible wear and tear from the wheel itself…….. um…. okay…. I suppose that’s not TOO horrible. After all, my first car did not have any airbags. It was a 1990 Corolla. I can see how that can happen with putting it in such a small steering wheel. THEN, I get one for the front seat assemblies. For both the driver and passenger seats. It is possible that they can just give out and fall back. Awesome.

I am thankful that the service to get it all fixed is free… but I will be stuck at the dealership for two and a half hours if I do not have a ride out of there.

I then received another notice regarding the recalls. This one had to do with a class action lawsuit against Toyota for this whole mess. Apparently, Toyota was ordered to pay out. I got a whopping $30 for my hamster’s possible health problems.

My hamster Yaris has performed admirably. It does what I need, with little gas usage, and is easily parked (especially in a crowded city). I must thank my hamster for gaining me extra funds to support my vices. Booze and cigars. Sadly, neither of those can my hamster enjoy or take part in. If I were more of a gear head, I would put the funds towards, I don’t know, a supercharged something or other or some sort of fluids that it may need. I am sad to say that I am quite car maintenance challenged. I can change the oil and the tires. Nothing more than that except for handing tools to my husband while I drink a beer and supervise.

Though the hamster has done everything I have needed in the past few years, I think it is time to move on to another vehicle. One that doesn’t have ever emerging issues. And one that my husband can actually stand driving for more than an hour or two without hurting (It is made for short people such as myself. Reaching for the steering wheel is difficult for how long my husband’s legs are. I admit, the design is flawed.). I would love to have a Sherman Tank. If anyone is selling one that runs, please let me know. I think that is my dream vehicle. It is durable, small (for a tank), and can tackle most terrain.

I mean seriously, it would be the best zombie apocalypse vehicle! You have the turret top to shoot large groups of zombies in one fell swoop. Zombies can’t get in. It can easily mow over zombies and debris. The only thing I can see that would be a bit of a problem is the noise. An RV may be a better option IF you can armor it, put a pop up turret on the top (with either a heavy machine gun or a RPG mounted up on it), a scooped front grill that pushes zombies out of the way if not beheading them…. Never mind guys, I want a big ass armored RV. I mean, you could sleep in it, cook in it, shit in the toilet, shower, etc. pretty much anything that would need to be done that would be at all vulnerable. Remember, if you must use a restroom, sweep the area first and post a guard if possible. If not, then at least keep your weapon close at hand and ready to use. If we have learned nothing else from Zombieland, it is to beware of bathrooms. Also, cardio. Fatties die first?

I would name my RV Krod Mandoon. I would equip it with a flaming sword that could come out to poke the zombies to death before burning their corpses.

How good was Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire, by the way? I was so upset that they pulled it off the air. It was so awesome. I loved how it made fun of many of my favorite fantasy novels. I found that it did a better job at getting the whole Sword of Truth series of books better than the mockery that was made (Legend of the Seeker).  If you have not read the series, you should check it out (

An Ode to the Power of Metal

After recently watching the Pick of Destiny again, my husband broke out an awesome “old”  video game (old being from like 2009, which is old in the video game sphere these days whereas the games of my childhood would be considered retro. How did things from not too terribly long ago suddenly become retro? Am I THAT old? Am I now considered retro? I detest this feeling of being old or retro.). Anyhow, he brought out an old favorite, Brutal Legend.

Brutal Legend is a game that features the voice acting of an admiral metal fan and musician, Jack Black. He plays the main character who is a roadie that is squished by a part of the stage set and is sent into an alternate world. The world of heavy metal… which for the record would be my freaking heaven (that is, if I were to go to heaven or if it even exists for a person like me). Anyhow, his character, Eddie (which I think is a tribute to the Rocky Horror Picture Show character, Eddie, played by Meatloaf, which is freaking awesome if it were truly a tribute.), is the foretold chosen one, told to bring down the evil Doviculus and his evil glam rock general, Lionwhyte, or to destroy the world of metal. Eddie uses the power of metal to fight and defeat the evil forces with his guitar and this awesome axe.

The whole game is filled with an awesome sound track of music that you can choose as you are driving the super killer hot rod type vehicle that you can upgrade with weapons and spout blood that somehow kills your enemies. I can only imagine that it is bat blood. Those that are totally awesome are immune (and for those of you who don’t know, Ozzy Osborne once bit the head off of a bat on stage thinking it was a prop that was thrown by a fan. It was not. It was indeed a real bat.).

Anyhow, the voice actors include, Jack Black, Ozzy Osborne, Lars Halford, and Lemmy Kilmister. That alone makes the video game epic in my mind.

This whole time watching my husband play the amazing game that I played when it came out, caused me to ponder the awesomeness of the power of metal. It illicits a feeling of epicness for me. Like the world is my oyster and I can do anything. I may be slightly biased toward metal due to my upbringing. After all, I only had the option of my mother’s Korean gospel music or my father’s awesome metal. Keeping in mind, growing up, I lived in a lower rent area fairly close to a military base (my father was in the army for 20 years). The musical influences of the time were also very different. Do you remember that old nickelodeon show, All That? Well, if you do, you’d know that it was a comedic children’s show that had a musical act at the end of every show, mostly that of the rap or R&B genre. Well….. my mother forbade us, me and my sister, to watch the end of the show. MTV was also off limits. She seemed to think that the music that kids and teens listened to was evil and all spoke of killing your mother. It was like I lived in the Footloose town (though I have never seen that movie. I only know of the movie from pop culture references like was in How I Met Your Mother for that one episode. You know the one I’m talking about.) except it wasn’t dancing that was evil. It was music.

Now, keep in mind, we found ways to listen to the popular music of the time like TLC or Boys 2 Men. Especially when my mother had company over and was distracted. We also snuck watching MTV when my parents were out doing errands. We would have nickelodeon on the previous channel so we could quickly change it when the garage door opened. As we grew and continued to try to defy my mother’s wishes, she eventually gave up when we moved to a more “upscale” area. I am sad to say, that the first album I ever bought (age 10) was the Spice Girls. How naïve I was.

After winning my musical freedom, and after the initial shock of getting to listen to music freely, I then went back to what I actually liked, not what was popular among my peers. I made by way back to metal. The power of metal was just too strong! It was because of metal that I finally was able to be myself. And I was able to be comfortable with who I was and I was much happier. I must say, that metal saved my life. Without metal, I would have become a ditzy automaton who tried endlessly for acceptance. Praise metal!